Build up resilience? 10 ways to get more (mental) space in your life.

If you are in a difficult period, you always hear or read: "head on, after rain comes sunshine", or adversity makes you grow as a person, so you get stronger out of it ". But if you are in such a difficult phase, those sayings don't help much. Somewhere you know that there is a truth in it, but for you these are hollow sentences at that moment.

I have gone trough a number of my personal crises earlier in my life. What I learn from this is that every crisis has always made me stronger as a human being. But again, these words do not help you much as you are in a difficult period.

In such a difficult moment in your life, where you feel that the resilience in your life is completely lost, everything you do seems to be counterproductive.
While everyone seems to enjoy, you yourself view everything through dark glasses. Strangely enough, those things that you used to enjoy are no longer fun.
Going somewhere seems almost impossible. It is as if everything attracts you to stay at home and preferably just lie in your bed.
Moreover, you develop a fear that people will notice that you feel so bad and will condemn you for that.

You may have already tried a lot. But the harder you try, the harder it gets.
Once you have lost all the joy in your life, it is normal for you to wonder if life still makes sense.

And then you have the choice: drowning (being overwhelmed by all those negative thoughts and emotions) or repressing (and not feeling anything anymore). However, The best thing to do is to confront your situation and make a conscious choice to work on yourself. To increase your resilience by doing things that seem banal at first sight. But it works.

How to rebuild and strengthen your resilience?

Building resilience is not something you need to do immediately in a difficult phase of your life. But it is often the trigger to start with. Someone who feels good about himself/herself often does not think about doing "something" to be able to cope better in times of crisis. 10 things you can already do to help you increase your resilience.

1. Create TIME
Make space and time for people you like. And then I am NOT talking about the "energy vampires" in your life, but those people who give you energy. That can be friends or family, but that can also be neighbors, or people in your sports club.

2. POSITIVE mindset
Put on positive glasses instead of the known negative glasses. The way we look at the world is also how we experience the world. A change in your view point will also mean a change in how you experience things. Research also shows that people who (consciously) think, think out many more possibilities in life than people who pay attention to negative thoughts.

3. ACCEPT change
Accept that change belongs to life. If we like something, we want more of it. If we do not like something, we push it away. But the point is that everything is constantly changing, whether we like it or not. Accepting that constant flow of change, that does give extra space.

4. Step FORWARD
Develop a number of challenging, achievable goals for yourself and then take steps towards that goal. Being "on the road" will also provide extra resilience in your life.

5. CARE for yourself
Be kind to yourself and develop a loving kindness for yourself. You do not (always) have to strive. You do not have to change. You are good as you are.

6. SPACE
Clean up. Yes, you read that right. You probably know the feeling after you have cleaned up the dresser. Clearing gives literally and figuratively extra space, also mental space and resilience.

7. MOVE
Bring movement into your life. You can take this again literally and figuratively. Go exercise (and yes, walking is also a sport) and feel how that movement in your body generates a flow of energy. And also bring movement into your life yourself if you feel stuck: change work, relationship, home, ... if that's good for you.

8. EAT & DRINK
Healthy eating and drinking.
Well, ... you already knew that?

9. DO a CARING DEED
Do small loving things for others (without them being aware of it). Sending a card to a friend ... just like that. Not only the recipient will be affected, but you too.

10. Do NOTHING
Perhaps the last bit of a strange tip. But know that it is also OK to do NOTHING. Your life should not be full of "doing things". Put a break once in a while, that will help you put a break on your pattern of life so that other opportunities can arise.

I hope this will motivate you to confront the negative thoughts and change your life for the better by acting accordingly. The following books will help you understand and boost your resilience step by step.

1. Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life

2. The Resilience Breakthrough: 27 Tools for Turning Adversity into Action 

3. The Resilience Workbook: Essential Skills to Recover from Stress, Trauma, and Adversity (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

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